I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
