Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
