Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
