is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize