1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
