Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
