There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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