I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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