Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
