I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
