I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
