Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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