just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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