You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
