i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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