You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
