My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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