were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
