i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
