i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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