Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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