I just saw a hot homeless man
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
