A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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