dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
