Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
