Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize