At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
