after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
