Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
