Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
