We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
