The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
