he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
