Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
