On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
