He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
