Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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