it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize