Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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