Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
