btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
