Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
