Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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