I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
