I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
