THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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