they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I came so hard my ears popped.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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