I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
