Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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