Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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