dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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