Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
