I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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