Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We're too hungover to prance.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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