yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
