You just made me feel so damn special
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
