So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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