Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize