If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
God, I missed his penis.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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