Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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