why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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