I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
