Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
