the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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