it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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