We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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