watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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