i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
