Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
