I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
