Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
