my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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